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Despite what you might think, this is not a good guy (Picture: Games Workshop)

For more than a hundred centuries, I have sat immobile on a Golden Throne, a burned-out husk unable to feel anything beyond apathy and irritation.

Okay, that’s not actually true.

I don’t have a Golden Throne, just an office chair with a missing arm that I’ve been using for 18 months, nor am I hundreds of centuries old, although if you saw me that might surprise you.

Still the stuff about apathy and irritation? That’s pretty much spot on, especially when it comes to f...