Hearing your child shout “I hate you” can be excruciating. I know, I’ve been there. Usually they’re in complete emotional turmoil – logic has officially left the building, as rage, frustration or disappointment takes control.
It’s hard not to take it personally, but usually when they are using this kind of language, it doesn’t actually mean they hate you. They are simply struggling to express their feelings or needs.
What it means when kids say ‘I hate you’
Psychotherapist Alison Roy suggests the phrase can mean “many things” – but mainly that there are “strong feelings around” which is actually a “healthy” sign. In this moment, they are “throwing something difficult to their parent/s to catch” (and you are their safe space, so they trust you can handle it).
The therapist urges parents to try not to take these statements literally or personally.
She suggests hate could mean “I feel out of control” or “you get to make all the decisions and I hate feeling powerless” or “I wish I didn’t have to feel so uncomfortable”.
Some youn...
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